"It’s the unconscious hope to finally feel seen and loved that is wounding you."  Jeff Brown

It was Mother’s Day, 1984.  I walked into the room with a massive vase of fragrant red roses and baby’s breath.  My mother lay in the hospital bed on the far side of the room 

Murmurs of delight came from 3 other patients in the room.  But, my mother deliberately and defiantly looked away as I set down the vase and cheerfully wished her a happy mother’s day  

She pursed her lips and turned her head to the window.  I waited … and waited.  And then quietly left

When I returned the next day the roses were at the nurse’s desk.  Another silent statement of rejection    

I went back every day to try to make my mother understand that I loved her unconditionally and her silence could not stop that.  But, it was to no avail 

My relationship with my mother was always tenuous and fraught with control.  When I left home at 18 and could no longer be controlled by punishment or brute force, she turned to silence, rejection, and ‘excommunication’ as a weapon.  Her mother had used the same weapons against her.  It had become our family karma to feel unlovable

My mother used illness as a cry for attention.  She would end up in the hospital whenever she felt ignored or we did not meet her ultimatums.  Her body was trying to communicate that her mental and emotional self was crying for attention.  But, she did not understand this 

Do you have your own stories of ‘family issues’ and childhood traumatic memories? 

 

Surprisingly, wholesome nurturing families are rare.  For most of us, childhood is fraught with insecurity, and lacking in love, nurturing and healthy mentoring.  We desperately want our parents to be something different than who they really are, to love us the way we need to be loved.  But, it just doesn’t happen 
 

Author Jeff Brown explains “We often go back for more, even if we have not had our needs met by our parents for decades. It’s a deep hunger to finally be nurtured, seen, and loved by those who brought us into being. But it’s been my experience that those who cannot meet those needs seldom change. Not because they don’t want to, but because they just aren’t up to the task. They don’t have it in them. They are in too much pain themselves.  If you are someone who keeps going back for more, you have to stop. You are holding yourself hostage. It’s no longer them—it’s now you. It’s the unconscious hope to finally feel seen and loved that is wounding you.  The key to your liberation is to finally see them for who they are. Really see them, the way you want to be seen. See them in their context, their woundedness, their limitations. Once you do, you no longer imagine them as adults capable of meeting your needs. Because they aren’t. They’re lost children, stumbling over their own patterns and conditioning. They can’t meet your needs because nobody ever met theirs.”

At a very early age I understood that my mother had not gotten her needs met in her childhood and was not capable of meeting my needs or being a nurturing parent.  She had not spoken to her own mother in over 30 years.  That was what SHE had learned

For my own wellbeing, I eventually began to leave my family behind.  I found other women who became wonderful nurturing mentors and mother-figures to me.  And eventually I began to appreciate and value the best parts of my mother—her stellar business savvy, her strength, courage, and fearlessness.  I became immensely grateful that she had taught me those amazing qualities.  She had certainly taught me how to love unconditionally  

Most empaths and healers actually evolve from a life of emotional pain that fosters a deep awareness and understanding of the pain of others.  Through thousands of clients over the past 2 decades, I have come to understand that life rarely gives us the family we want  

Lessons related to family are always about emotions.  That is why they are often the toughest and most hurtful experiences. Family dynamics teach us painful, but crucially valuable lessons about our core selves—who we really are, what we really want and need, and how to set boundaries    

I know I am a stronger, wiser, kinder, more empathetic person because of the struggles and pain my mother inflicted.  And I can love her for that gift            

YOU have the Enlightened Feelings tools and philosophies that allow you to take the high road.  YOU have greater awareness and perspective now.  These are tools your parents did not have  

Don’t forget that we are here to help!  Perhaps you could start with our essence fusion HEART SPEAK to soften your words and allow you to hear more deeply  

For deep trauma healing from your past choose one of these trauma-healing Enlightened Feelings essence fusions:

Family Karma  ~  Father Issues  ~  Trauma Heal  ~  I Am Not a Victim

Childhood trauma causes fear-based control issues such as perfectionism, introversion, social inhibitions, defensiveness, negativity, or a belief that you can only rely on yourself.  So, be sure to take one of our control release formulas before starting a trauma essence:  

Control Release  ~  I Am Flexible  ~  Drama Free  ~  Flow

Perhaps you need a more nurturing healing essence fusion: 

 Mother Healing  ~  Abandonment Heal  ~  Deep Wounds of Childhood  ~  Open Heart

With these essences you may find yourself growing more nurturing or closer to your family.  Or you may become be a better parent and a better person.  Emotional healing for everyone occurs when you heal yourself 

As you change, allowing personal integrity, inner strength, and higher awareness to govern your life, you will quietly begin to make different choices.  And that makes a difference in your family dynamics, and with those around you  

We call this ‘The Enlightened Feelings Effect’.  It is an effortless way to change the world, one person at a time … starting with you

#childhoodtrauma  #family karma  #healyourpast  #fatherissues  #abandonmentissues